Repeating Mistakes

I was halfway down the hall when I felt someone blow by me. I glanced at the grinning face as he continued - full tilt - towards Aberleigh and Dani. Max! I groaned and quickened my pace.
By the time I reached Aberleigh she was trying to talk Dani out of a car; the grin on Max’s face letting me know that he had planned this, planned us being alone together. "Danielle, you can not leave me here! Not by myself. Dani!"

"Where'd they go?" I asked, staring at the empty parking spot. Obviously she didn’t know but, I needed to make it clear that this hadn’t been my idea.

"To hell I hope. That was my only mode of transportation." She sighed and ran her hands down her skirt, tracing the slight curves of her tiny frame. How did I not notice how nice her body was before? I snapped my eyes back up to her face, trying to control the heat that was rising in my own.

"Well, I'm just over here. We can go to the diner and get some food. If you're hungry." We both laughed slightly as her stomach groaned in response. "I guess that's a yes?" She exhaled loudly and nodded before following me to my Ranger Rover; she seemed less than excited about this, which made me a little sad.

I stepped in front of her and pulled the passenger side door open, helping her step up into the seat, before tossing my bag in the back.

"So, did you enjoy the game?" I asked nervously once we were pulling out onto the road.

"It was good... First time I've ever sat in the stands. Thank you." She added, giving me a smile. I nodded like an idiot, embarrassed by her thanks. We drove the rest of the way in silence. I felt the need to say something, thinking she was probably board; but I felt comfortable, safe. I didn’t want to ruin this moment.

We walked in the door to the diner and were immediately seated at my normal table; or at least the I usually ate at with Max and Tanger.
Luckily, making conversation was easy, even though it was a new area for me; being out with someone I knew virtually nothing about.
Anytime I had an in-depth conversation with Vero, it had been about the future, making plans, talking about things that had happened to us during the day, our family, friends. It was nice being able to focus on the now; learning about the girl sitting across from me.
After going over all the ‘basic’ questions, I was pleasantly surprised to see that we actually had a lot in common. Family, upbringing, and so on…

"Aren't you supposed to eat healthily?" She laughed as I dug into a big plate of grease.

"Shouldn't you be eating more?" I smirked back, glancing down at the tiny, plain salad that was in front of her. Her stomach had been growling out of control our whole conversation, and I was still surprised she had ordered such a small portion; girl thing I guess…

"Nope. My salad is just fine thank you." She grinned back, looking a little startled as she wrapped her arm protectively around her tiny stomach.


After leaving the restaurant, she gave me the directions to her house and we drove in almost silence; minus the occasional ‘left here’ or ‘right at the next lights‘.

"I had a lot of fun tonight, Marc." She smiled at me as we came to a stop outside her place.

"Me too." I said, and I meant it. It was the first time since Vero left I didn’t feel like I was a zombie; I felt somewhat alive, a bit hallow maybe - but alive.

I looked over just in time to see her leaning towards me. She planted a gentle kiss on my cheek, causing me to blush profusely. I looked away from her, at a loss of words; oh my god, what do I do? Do I kiss her back, say ‘thank you’, say nothing… Did I want her to kiss me? Did I even want to kiss her back…
I looked back at her, as she mumbled an apology and slid out of my Range Rover, fleeing up the front steps and pulling the door open; not looking back.
Crap, I’m such an idiot.


“No… woah, woah… let me make sure we’re all on the same page! She kisses you… and you did nothing!?” TK roared across the table to me, earning laughter from all the boys present.
Sidney, Geno, Tanger, TK, Jordan and I were all standing in my kitchen table; drinking beer and playing beer pong.

“The thing I don’t get,” Jordan began, “is why she would want to kiss you anyway? I mean, she sees me all the time, and she’s never tried anything!” He shook his head and grabbed a small ball from Sidney, the look on his face had no humour at all in it; he was actually shocked. I looked over to see TK nodding in agreement.

“Thanks guys.” I mumbled causing them to laugh some more.

Jordan took another chug of beer as he headed towards me. “Looks like old Talbo was right though, eh?” He said smugly as he threw his arm around me shoulder, “she’s totally into you…” I let out a sigh and moved away from him, grabbing my beer off the table and heading outside onto the back deck.
I flopped down in a patio chair and looked out over the pool. I heard the door open and shut behind me, and the sound of someone dragging a chair over to me.

“You gonna be ok?” Sidney asked quietly as he sat the chair down next to me. I shrugged my shoulders in response, not sure how to answer. He didn’t pressure me; allowing me to sit in silence, contemplating the night I’d just had.

After a while of listening to the guys carrying on in side, I looked over at him. “It’s too soon isn’t it? I shouldn’t even be… this shouldn’t have…” I let out a sigh and leaned forward, resting my head in my hands.

“Flower, only you know whether or not it’s too soon…”

Out of nowhere my body began convulsing with sobs and couldn’t control the tears following down my face. Normally I would be mortified to let anyone see me like, but I didn’t care anymore, not around Sidney at any rate. “Sid… I love her so much. Even now… no matter what’s happens, if she came back… fuck! Why can’t she just come back?” Sidney reached over and put his hand on my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze.

“What if she’s not? Coming back I mean? Are you just gonna stay alone forever, wishing things were different?” I pulled my head up and looked at him, he sighed and leaned towards me, speaking softly. “Flower, you like this girl. I know you’re confused because everything’s happening so fast but… you were you again tonight. You played like yourself, you smiled, you were happy…”

I nodded, unable to deny the truth in his words. “I’m scared Sid. I’m scared that I’ll hurt her… or she’ll hurt me. I’m scared that if I let someone in so fast, it means that… Vero was right to leave; that I wasn’t the right one for her.” I leaned back in my chair and exhaled slowly. “Am I a bad person? If I call her, knowing full well I’d leave if Vero came back… does that make me a bad person?”

He shook his head, “I don’t think you could be a bad person if you tried Marc.” I tried to smile at the compliment, but it felt more like a grimace.

“So, what do I do now?” I asked Sidney solemnly. “I don’t even know if she likes me.” He hummed for a minute and looked back over his shoulder - back inside the house - at Jordan, who was now dancing around Tanger.

“What do you want to do?” He asked me, while shaking his head at our team-mates. I looked back towards the calm surface of the pool. What do I want to do? I thought hard, about Aberleigh; trying to keep the images of Vero out of my mind. Aberleigh was sweet, nice, compassionate. She made me feel human again, like my entire world hadn’t been completely destroyed. Just knowing that she was at my game, supporting me, had made a huge difference. Was it possible I was coming to depend on her already? The thought was terrifying; but, I had lost the most important thing in my life, the one thing I had depended on - because I hadn’t acted. I wasn’t the type of person to make the same mistakes twice.



A single white calla lily was sitting on the black leather of the passenger seat, as I sat outside her house. Flower, too much? Not enough?
I was shaking my nerves were so bad; this was a first time for me.

Vero. It had always been Vero; I had always known it would be Vero. None of this had ever mattered before. The only girl I had ever kissed, gone on a date with, loved; had been with me for so long, it was impossible to remember the things I felt at the start.
I was trotting on unknown territory. I had been rejected by my soul-mate, the one person that was suppose to need me, want me, through anything. Why would this girl want me then?
She held no loyalty to me, had no reason to be interested in me; unwanted me.

And if she did? If she did want me; what then? How do you start something, when you have no idea what it’s going to lead to - where does it come from? Am I selfish for being here now? Staring at en empty door; knowing full well if I had my choice I would be home in bed with my Vero?
Or am I allowed this? Allowed to heal, to move on, to breath again?

I held the lily weakly in my hands as I walked towards her home; it was late, or early; whatever. I had to stop a few times and steady myself on the railing as I walked up the stairs to the door. I knocked - nothing. I took a step back and reached for the bell - nothing.
I stood there for a while; was she really not home, or was she hiding? Maybe it was an accident, or maybe she did it because she felt bad for me?

I sighed and pushed the lily through the door handle; hoping that she was just out, hoping that it wasn’t a mistake.
I walked back to my Ranger Rover, looking over my shoulder at the still night that surrounded her house.
I headed home; feeling even more alone than before.